last saturday, i found out that my best friend died.
on wednesday, someone at my uni in my year committed suicide
on thursday morning, a girl was murdered in broad daylight on my campus
it feels unreal. why is everyone dying
i have this pit in my stomach because I didnt go outside today. I meant to go to the dorm to mourn the victim. i only left my dorm to take out the trash. It feels like that pit in my stomach that I get from fomo. so thats really weird. yk, when i went to take my trash and recycling out, a big gust of wind came and a bunch of recycling went onto the street. it was really embarrassing. I wanted to cry. one more reason to want to inflict harm on my self.
ive never inflicted substantial harm on myself on purpose, but lately ive been wanting for the campus buses or fast cars to hit me. I want to know what julie and wyatt were going through. i feel like i deserve their pain.
ever since julie died, the world has been out of wack. i feel like im in some fucked up alternate timeline. idk. i just want my friend back.
i cried a lot yesterday. there are certain songs that remind me a lot of julie. she liked steven universe songs so when i listen to those i feel kinda connected to her. ive also really been resonating with Everything Stays from adventure time. i heard it cuz i was scrolling on tiktok but suddenly the tears were uncontrollable.
Go down to the ocean
The crystal tide is raising
Waters' gotten higher as the shore washes out
Keep your eyes wide open, even when the sun is blazin'
The moon controls the tide, it can cause you to drown