from the beginning of my neocities site i wanted to include a politics section. it would showcase my journey on understanding social justice, learning the principles of socialism, communism, and anarchism, deconstructing imperialist thought, championing environmentalism, and hopefully encourage me to actually participate in political movements for radical change. Honestly, I fantasize about inciting riots and sabotaging pipelines.
but its been an entire year of my site being live and I haven't written anything
one thing that I know is holding me back is my inability to read. I genuinely tried to read Angela Davis' Women Race and Class but I couldn't get very far. I was so confused and ended up putting down the book extremely frustrated. I went back to my video essays.
but i think the more prevalent factor is my cowardess. Last month, there were multiple opportunities for me to join a pro-palestinian peace rally at my college. i even put each event on my calendar. I didn't show up though. I was too scared.
I'm scared of having to argue with people online. I'm scared of having to argue for human rights in real life. I'm scared of what people will think of me. I'm scared of doing what's right!
I mean knowing the history I know, it makes sense for me to be scared. I'm black but im a smaller woman and i lack muscles. If I get into a worst-case situation, they will arrest me first and I won't be able to fight back. There is always the possibility of dying.
My username is literally an overt political statement, so why am i so fucking cowardly? There are people dying and I am too scared to show up for them? What kind of activist is that?
I don't have an answer. I thought writing this section would help me get to an answer. Honestly this section is kind of like an apology. To myself? To marginalized people?