im not gonna lie, it wasnt as terrible as i thought it would be
i walked in 2 minutes earlier than i was supposed to be there and the other interns were already there doing stuff. i had actually arrived an hour early but sat in my car bc i didnt know exactly where to go. But everyone is extremely nice
i feel like i did some cool work today with Civil 3D. It made me feel smart but at the same time not at all. Do I even want to be an engineer?
i failed calculus 2, so i have to retake it in fall. This also means i will have a delay for when i can apply to my major, meaning: im fucked and might graduate later. my prof was so ass i hope he gets fired
when i got home i wanted to play minecraft with my fake bf but he said he wasnt feeling well and didnt want to talk rn. He didnt text me the entire day of my first day, i texted him at 7am he had no excuse. obvsiouly i feel bad for him and i trust him and respect his boundaries. I have to because hes actually not my boyfriend T-T. but i couldnt help but feel dissapointed.
i dont think ive told u guys about my fake boyfriend. i call him that bc we are in a situationship because niether of us has the balls to pop the "what are we" question. so weve just stayed this way for the past 5 months. it was actually on this day 5 months ago that we had our first date. We went to a restaurant and it was rlly awkward, so we left to go smoke (hes a stoner, ik, bad influence or wte (he did the thing where u blow smoke into someone elses mouth hes rlly hot)) and we were doing nasty things in his car... but then i realized i was way too high to do anything and he immediately stopped and we just had to cuddle for a few hours before i came down from my high. He suprisingly still wanted to go out with me after that, so here we are.
now that we are home for college im struggling to connect with him. he lives far far away :( hes so dry over text that its physically painful, but i dont think its that he doesnt like me bc he always responds immediately. i just figure thats how he is. i have yet to figure out what makes him talk alot other than food and fallout. (speaking of fallout i feel a fixation forming. yk that excited obsessive feeling? its like that. never played a single game tho i just watched the show because he asked me to) i just hope i dont lose my sense of self for a man again. with my last relationship, we were so codependent so now its weird for me to be so opposite.
anyways i made a mistake at work and its eating away at me. when i was filling out the i9 i accidentally started doing the part that was for my HR manager. I felt so bad cuz she had told me step by step what to do but ig im too stupid to understand directions
i tried to write about my first day but instead i just wrote about my situationship... im so cooked
i miss u baby :<