tw: whiny bitch dont read if sad u will get sadder
i dont even want to write anything cuz theres someone next to me. i had so much to say for today bc its been so bad, but i cant even say it without feeling like im being judged
i dont know what happened. i was doing so well for the past few weeks but its like everything came crashing down last night. i cant shake the feeling that im not good at anything. its definetly true though. im not good at any of my hobbies and everything i do is mediocre at best. im not even good at having friends. im bad at handling my emotions and tone to the point where i feel like my dad.
the thought of her has been really comforting but just my imagination is not enough. i cant even describe why i like her so much. i probably just like the idea of her, like always. im not even good at liking her.
nd now my friend is mad at me because i wasn’t good enough at handling my tone. granted i had already answered their question multiple times and i was hunched over holding my stomach in pain, i cant entirely blame them. they are so immature, like extremely immature, and they treat me like this all the time, so i dont understand why when i do it its such a problem, but they are still my only friend. like actually. nobody else knows me. and while i want to make new friends, is it even worth it? im going to leave this town soon anyways.
this morning was bad because i was literally scared that they would judge my outfit. i changed multiple times, which made me late, which made me think that im not even good enough at picking outfits. no matter how hard i try im still mediocre at everything i do. and while i love the process of creating things, all my favorite things, its hurts to know that i will certainly never be good enough. i’ll still do them ofc, but i know that im not good enough.
and this new scar on my hand, the one part of me that i really liked, now totally taints my image of myself. i dont see myself as pretty anymore. idk what happened. maybe im just not photogenic.
i cant listen to another spotify ad im literally going to die